War of the Heart
by mrsmcavoy23
Summary: Bella and Edward are in the Army. My chest is thumping. "We can't do that. It will ruin everything. Just be my best friend," I say. You smile. It's funny because we both know we'll collapse into one another eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**War of the Heart**

Chapter 1

Jason was just here.

Bella's sobs make me sick to my stomach. Today's mission started with Jason and ended without. His worn anime books and crinkled sleeping bag haunted me, it wasn't right that they were here and he wasn't.

The door creaks and there is my brunette beauty.

"I'm tired of losing people."

If we didn't have each other we wouldn't make it out here.

It's last day before our two -month leave and I'll miss you, but I won't miss you being here. You shouldn't be here. I can't keep you safe. You could be here and gone so quickly just like Jason.

Hands linked on the plane. Dread and excitement swirled together when we see them.

Rose loves you and you love her back, but not as much as you love me.

Unlike you, I don't have an alternate lover, just my parents who only keep their sanity by not turning on CNN. Mama says if I pass she'll feel it," I brought you into this world, I'll sense if you ever leave it."

I hate that I'm hurting them, I hate going back, but I can't have you out there all alone, Bella.

Rose and my parents know that we are close, they understand but they don't know how deep it goes.

I squeeze your hand one more time.

I'll see you in two months, baby.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey all!**

**LJ here. This is my new story and I will be updating about once a week.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 2

You grip a sobbing Rose and I see the sadness in your eyes. Is us going back some sick way of being together? I know it's not. I know the fight is bigger than us, but we can't deny the element of _us _is present.

Mama and Dad give me the little cross. I made it in Sunday school when I was seven. It's copper that has since turned green, but me taking it is a promise to bring it back, a promise to come back alive.

The fourteen-hour flight goes quickly and I know that's insane but time always speeds up when it's the only barrier between you and something absolutely dreadful.

The plane touches down and your hand shakes in mine. When I run my thumb over yours you snatch your hand back. You hate being vulnerable, all you girls do. There are pricks here who cry and have their same fear in their hearts like you all do, but a women breaking down means she's weak and shouldn't be here. Shitty double standard, I know, but very much alive.

You put the mask in place as soon as we see Riley. After he's done breaking down the mission we go to the "boom boom room" as we like to call it, and we catch up with everyone.

"Shit, Bella! You've got hulk arms."

"What the hell was I supposed to do on break? Eat Twinkies and watch trash TV?" That smirk is on your face that I absolutely love. I know you definitely did eat Twinkies and watch trash TV but you were probably lifting weights at the same time.

Of course Riley is staring. He's always staring. I thought the time I caught him watching you change and almost broke his cheekbone would have done the trick. This further proves your hypnotic quality.

You see him. You like it. You like attention, which is fine because I figure if you crave it so much that you must have not gotten enough of you when you were little. You're a flirt but I know that you love me.

" Bella, you are welcome to my stash of Twinkies any time. We can have a slumber party and pig out on them." the fool says.

"Twinkies are like crack here, Riley. You're risking your life even opening the box." You're good at the whole gentle rejection thing, sweetheart.

You can't be mean to people and you are so warm. I know my heart would have been dead and cold without you here.

**3 Years Earlier: March 12, 2005**

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I'm scrubbing and scrubbing but this shit won't come off.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Get it off of me!" I scream

"Edward, nothing is on you. Calm down."

"Their blood was all over me. We didn't know they were there. They weren't supposed to be there. They were teenagers for fucking sake!" I croak out.

"It was bad information. It was a mistake. We thought they were a resistance group. It is okay. Everything will be okay."

"They aren't alive because of me! I ordered the shots be taken!" I cry

"You fucked up but you're not a bad person. You thought you were helping. Their blood is on your hands and it always will be but it was an honest mistake and you are going to have to forgive yourself." You whisper

"Why are you helping me?" I whisper back.

You press your forehead against mine. It's oddly romantic and weird because I'm definitely sure you have a partner back home.

"I'm here with you as a friend and as someone who wants to love you but can't."

"Bella, friends do love each other."

You sigh. "That's not what I mean and before you ask, I don't see gender, just the person."

My chest is thumping. "We can't do that. It will ruin everything. Just be my best friend." I say

You smile. It's funny because we both know we'll collapse into one another eventually.

You put my head in your lap and comb through my short curls.

"We all mess up Edward and I'm not saying to take it lightly, because those were people's lives, but you can't let it eat at you. Let's say a prayer for them."

I raise my eyebrows. "What?" I say, confused.

You smirk at me. "I do it all the time, I know someone is up there watching out for us. How else would you explain us surviving all the shit we have?"

You sit back , close your eyes, and start, "Hey, man." (A very Bella greeting) "My friend Edward made a very bad call and it ended up costing three people their lives. Please be with their families and please wrap your arms around them in heaven and give them safety and happiness and please help Edward heal. "

I watch you speak to him and you are genuine. Only you could make me a believer in less than five minutes.

You pull my head down back to your lap and hum "imagine". John Lennon is tonight's lullaby.

This is peace. This is everything.

This is love. This is your warmth.


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope all of you had a great Christmas! Enjoy!**

Chapter 3

Fuck, my ears are ringing. Fuck roadside bombs. I think those prayers I do have been working.

I'm glad you weren't with me, baby. I do like you fussing over me, though.

"Your face is cut!" You sob, as you spread way too much cream over the gash.

"Bella, it was just blowback. I am fine." This gets me a raised eyebrow. This gets me attitude.

"I don't care what it's from. You are bleeding and you're going to let me freak out. We both know this isn't about your fucking cut. It's about the fact that you could have died."

Your eyes are watering.

"It makes absolutely no sense for me to be in love with you. You were a total ass the fist time we met." You squeak out.

"We are so close to death here and we made the stupid decision to love each other." You whisper.

I wrap my arm around you.

Decision. Right, as if it was even an option for our souls to not wrap around each other.

You are right. I was a total ass when we met, but you were annoying as hell right off the bat, and you were in the damn men's bathroom.

**January 12, 2005**

I need to piss. I need to piss.

Jason rounds the corner.

Fuck. No, not now.

I do not want to be your friend, Jason. I just want to make it back to states alive. I need to focus. I can't have friends right now and you talk too much.

"Cullen!" You yell with a smile.

No one calls me "Cullen". Please stop. I just need to piss.

I smile to be polite, even do the whole fist bump thing.

"Listen, everyone is gonna' hang out in the "boom boom room" later and you should come. You know, you're kind of a bit of a phantom around here."

I don't want to be seen, idiot.

I force a smile. "Sure thing, Jason."

You pat me on the back and continue down the hall. I haul ass to the bathroom.

Finally.

I finish up and wash my hands and of course no paper towels.

I sigh in frustration.

"Here" A soft voice says. My heart beats so fast it shakes me all over. Brunette beauty with short hair and a smirk on her face is handing me a paper towel.

"Don't know why they don't put it in the dispenser. Someone's lazy ass just drops the whole roll on the counter," The girl on the counter chuckled.

Okay, it's been a long day and I've been in the sun, but what the actual fuck is going on?

I know I look like an idiot just staring, but I am so confused.

"Why the fuck are you in here?!" I screamed.

It makes her jump, but honestly, what reaction was she expecting?

You clear your throat. "You guys have a window in here and the girl's bathroom doesn't, so sometimes I chill in here."

I glance up at the window and it's closed.

Not that your answer made sense anyway.

"Look, what ever the hell your name is, I'm tired, you're fucking weird, and I'm leavin'," I snap out.

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, I kind of just ended up here."

Again, what?

I know she sees the confusion in my face because she explains further.

"I killed someone for the first time today." It's a whisper. She hangs her head in shame and it causes a brown veil to cover her face.

Word around was that things got chaotic for group 3 today, which I'm assuming Mrs. Crazy here was in.

In those situations all you can do is shoot your path out.

I could be more gentle, but kindness takes energy that I don't have.

"It happens. What did you expect coming out here? You're going to kill people and it's shit but it happens."

Your eyes are slits. "Fuck you. That's someone's life..."

I grab her shoulders and she jumps, surprised at the contact. I bend down to look you in the eye.

"Listen to me. This person was going to kill you. Label them the enemy, not as a person with a family. It'll make it easier. Would you have preferred they were still here and we were sending your casket home." I bark out.

She shakes her head no.

"You gotta remold your mind or you're a goner out here, honey." I finish.

"You're right. Thank you." She squeaks out.

"You're welcome, and you look terrible." She does; all red eyes and snot, but still cute.

"Thanks." She scoffs.

I smile. "I'm blunt. How about you clean yourself up and go with me to a hang out tonight?"

You're looking at me with an expression that says _"what the fuck?", _and trust me I'm asking myself the exact same thing.

What just came out of my mouth? I was going to work out and now I'm willingly putting myself in Jason's presence.

"Sure." You chirp out before I can rescind.

I sigh. "Meet me outside this door in fifteen."

* * *

This hangout is …interesting.

The "boom boom room" is more like a shack with shitty plastic chairs, a grill, and an ancient Sony radio.

Upon entering I see James and his bros. They are total douchebags, but great with strategy. I don't see Jason and I let out a sigh of relief.

Blondie is on the grill, so I walk towards her and my brunette follows.

"Edward Cullen, never thought I'd see the day when you joined us!" Lauren jokes. She's the best. She trained with me and she's one of the most positive people I know.

"Well, no one makes a burger like you, so get to flippin', woman." I shout.

I see you, brunette beauty, giggling out of the corner of my eye.

"Lauren, this is…" I'm a jack ass…Of course I would try to introduce someone and not even know their name.

You save me.

"Bella. My name is Bella Swan."

Yeah, I can definitely see that.

"It's nice to meet you, honey." Lauren smiles. You smile back. Yeah, you two are gonna get along fine.

Three beers later and I wish you guys didn't get along so fine.

I want to talk to you.

"Bella, let me tell you, it is no surprise he is a little soccer champ because in my stomach all he did was kick my bladder." Lauren laughs. She always gets extra happy when she talks about her little boy.

You smile. "I played a little soccer in high school. When we get back to the states, you should bring him over and I can give him some tips." You offer

"That would be so great, Bella." Lauren gushes.

A hand claps on my shoulder.

Please no.

"Cullen! So glad you came, man."

I consider dipping out, but I look over and see you and Lauren laughing and it's beautiful because friendships are important here.

I've been too hard on this fucker. I'll give him a chance.

"So, Jason, what are those cartoon books you're always reading?"

Jason gasps "They're anime man, and they're incredible! I-" He's cut off by some prick.

"Here he goes, guys! Jason, we don't want to hear about your story books, okay?"

James says. Cue the bro laughs.

"Fuck them, Jason. I want to hear."

He smiles. He spends an hour telling me about one of his favorites. It's important to have something you're passionate about here, something to come back to and help you forget about where you are for a little bit.

Jason has anime books and now I have the brunette I've been watching out of the corner of my eye all night.


End file.
